What do you think of my poem?

i think it is good, but if you want it to be better i would use more words to describe the situations and feelings you have to bring it to life, like say when he is the dark train, a wowing sleep rests on our eyes , yet it does not find us.try to start some of the second verses with other words than yet. try saying like , but do not come out rather than yet do not come out. i just think it brings it all together more and it doesn't seem so segmented. maybe use wanting or yearning to describe minds. and perhaps say never materializing in reality instead of yet again. i would do away with the and to begin the second verse, say when sleep does find us we are woken maybe say when the words are finally spoken instead of do come out and maybe they are in silence. the ending is nice, just play with it a little. i would use Microsoft word if you have it . if you hi-lite and right click on a word in the program it will bring up a thesaurus. very helpful for projects like this one. definitely would be allot more excellent with some added color as i suggested, but a fine start on a very nice piece of work. i love the thought behind it, great job, wish you the best of luck.