I am a ***** to everyone!! A really long story but please read.?

When I was younger I used to be this little sweet caring girl who would never hurt anyone's feelings or physically hurt anyone. I was so happy, sweet, caring but then my world all came crashing down. I had to move to London, to UK a country I didn't even know what the language was. But I came here and enrolled in secondary school ( I am now in grade 9 going to grade 10) and I found out what bullying was. I was bullied for two years, I had to drag myself to school, every night dreading waking up in the morning. But I learned to not care, stand up for yourself and be confident and that raised my self esteem. But it also killed the person I was before, now I don't think about anybody else's feelings just my one's. I take education seriously and I get good grades plus I'm a honor student. But now I seem to be a *****. Two years ago I met this guy, he is a pacifist (that is somebody who doesn't believe in violence of any kind), but he started playfully teasing me but at that time I took it as bullying so I did what I usually do with bullies and became a ***** to him, but he kept on coming back to me no matter how much I might have hurt him or whatever I said or did to him ( I called him a lot of names, threatened to kill him the day I met him, hit him a couple of times and basically being a ***** to him trying to make a shield by hurting him so he wouldn't be able to get to me if he ever hurt me, but he never did.) he kept coming back, he would be calm and I would be angry he would speak in a normal tone I would shout and scream I would walk away he would chase after me. And we kept doing this for two years till one day he stopped talking to me, he would often look at me but he wouldn't dare to say a word to me or come over. And this hurt me, and I realized that my aggressive behavior pushed him away, and that hurt me, I don't know why but it did, I realized I wanted him to be there but now he wouldn't be, that he was the only one who was truly there all the way I got bullied the one who never said a mean thing to me the one who never hurt me before and that's when I realized I loved him. So we never spoke again for 6 months till one day I started a conversation, we kept talking since then and got him a make up present for Christmas and he got me one back. Since then we talked more and more but I started being a ***** again. And I hurt him again unconsciously but I did, somebody complimented him and he smiled but then I disagreed with the compliment and made it sound like an offence coming from me and then he stopped smiling, his eyes were sad and then he simply said I agree with you. He agreed with my offence. Then I tried to say sorry but he said he won't forgive. However the next day he waited for me and pretended nothing happened.I feel like I lost his trust now because I also found out from his friend that he lied to me (I tried to confront him about it but he quickly and easily changed the subject) which hurt me very much. I love him but I feel like I lost a part of him and I feel like I'm going to loose the rest if I don't change. Please what do I do? How do I stop being a *****?!